Don't wear earrings with prescription glasses

For some reason, I've been dispensing a lot of advice lately. In the past few months friends have been coming to me with their woes, and dare I toot my own horn, I've been dishing out sage advice.

Just call me Ann friggin' Landers. Or maybe more accurately, Lucy van Pelt since I probably look more like her and have a similar cynical disposition.

Not surprisingly, most of the problems deal with affairs of the heart, and since I've been a resident of Singlesville for a while---I roll with the mayor and the police chief---I'm able to give unbiased, straight-forward advice that isn't clouded by lovey dovey-ness. See, I'm actually logical and rational as hell, so I'll tell you like it is. No holding your hand on your way to your first day of kindergarten. Take the bus like the rest of us chumps.

At the risk of jinxing it, I've been a zen master lately, the coolest cucumber in the crisper, chilled out and blissed out beyond (even my) belief.

This clear-headed state probably helps in giving good, rational advice. Everything ain't no thang. There really are few things in life one can't recover from (to a certain degree) given enough time, so why sweat it?

Who knows how long this calm stage will last? Maybe I am in the eye of the storm and shit's going to hit the fan soon. But until then I am just gonna continue playing Yoda and sip on this G and T.

Random thought: you can tell a lot about a person through their hands. It's like shoes. A person's personal style is reflected through their shoewear. You can tell what a person's hygiene and hobbies are like through their hands.

Are the hands rough? Are their nails dirty? Do they have long nails? Hands are like the face sans make-up. There's the same exposure to the elements. We don't usually cover up our hands except when it's really cold. So they're pretty telling of our lifestyle.

I really like looking at men's hands. Sometimes you can tell what someone's body looks like just by looking at the bone structure of their hands.

Hands! Advice! Monday!